The Tale of Two Houses: Where do you Reside?

Apr 13, 2018


Like the classic Shakespearian tale, the figurative house in which we live plays an integral role in our experience.

Think about all the things in your home that influence your life.  You’ve chosen specific colours, furniture, art, etc. You’ve arranged your possessions to reflect your likes and needs and undoubtedly feel comfortable and content in your home.

It’s probable that you’ve carefully considered what direction your home faces and in which neighbourhood you live.  You may feel good or bad or indifferent, but it’s more likely than not that your home reflects a large part of who you are. Even the people who live with you or visit you regularly in your home influence you in one way or another.

They say a simple smile can improve a mood.

If your neighbours are friendly, you likely feel better about where you live.  When you come home at the end of a long day and your neighbour offers a friendly smile or wave, it probably contributes, at some level, to your sense of happiness and contentment about where you live and the people who live near you.


Let’s say you live in a home that does not feel welcoming or safe,  you don’t like the colours or the furniture; maybe you don’t care much for the people who live with or near you.  

What if your neighbours do not reflect the same level of pride in their homes or rarely acknowledge your existence? How does that affect your mood, your happiness, your sense of safety and security?CONTACT ROOTS PSYCHOLOGICAL


Let’s say there are two houses: a house of judgment and a house of compassion.  And, in each house you are surrounded by either positivity or negativity.

There are three main things that exist in each house:

  1. How you see the world
  2. How you see yourself and
  3. How you believe others see you 

When we choose to live in the house of judgment we are surrounded by judgment at every turn. The floor is judgment; the walls are judgment and every piece of furniture and art reflect judgment.  

As a result, we are judgmental of others. We automatically assess how someone looks, talks, behaves, etc.  We analyze how we are better and size up our position next to them. We probably even tell ourselves that being judgmental is natural or innate or “just the way we are”. We may even defend our judgment or outright blame others for it.

The second thing that happens when we live in the house of judgment is that we are really hard on ourselves.  We say scathing things to ourselves or have trouble letting mistakes go. We may ruminate about our flaws and secretly hate parts of who we are.  

The dichotomy is that those who are judgmental of others are usually just as hard on themselves. Whether we admit it or not, if we live in the house of judgment and are surrounded by it, it likely spills over into every aspect of our lives.  

The third thing that happens is that we probably find ourselves consumed with what others think of us.  We may adjust our behaviour or refrain from taking action because we fear the judgment of others. Again, judgment is everywhere and oozes from our every pore.  We eat, drink and sleep judgment; so naturally, it becomes part of the very fabric of our lives.


Now think about how life would be different if we packed our bags and moved down the street into the house of compassion.  Remember that the home in which we live affects how we think, feel and behave.

Those three things look different in this house.  Residing here allows us to treat others with compassion. We give them the benefit of the doubt and we don’t waste time sizing them up or comparing ourselves to them.

Consequently, we are easier on ourselves because we are used to exercising compassion.  We are gentle and chose kindness and benevolence when dealing with our inner flaws. And yes, you guessed it: we don’t spend a lot of time worrying about what others think of us.

In fact, it rarely crosses our minds because we are not surrounded by judgment.  We have chosen the house of compassion and it affects everything we do.

You are who you surround yourself with.  Chose wisely! You have the power to make or break your day, your year, your life!  

It’s Good To Talk.