Is it really conflict avoidance or is there something else going on?

We live in a day where everyone seems to play it safe.  We don’t want to say the wrong thing or come across the wrong way.

We develop anxiety disorders where none previously existed because we get so worried about what other people will think.

 “Will they like me?”

“Am I good enough?”

“Will I fit in?”

In essence, we have put the needs of the world over the needs of ourselves.  We have sacrificed our own path so as not to upset others.

We consistently give in or check out because we tell ourselves we are conflict avoidant and therefore can’t bear the thought saying what we mean and meaning what we say, especially if the possibility exists of upsetting someone else.

See, every time you put the needs of someone else over you own you are telling yourself you matter less.  

Every time you choose not to speak up or agree to just go along with something because it’s easier, you are sending an internal message to your psych: “I am second best” and eventually that message takes its toll.

And then, over time, your psyche starts to become accustomed to this “second place” position and begins putting you there regularly.  

That little voice starts telling you that you’re not good enough or that other people, no matter who they are, matter more.

And then you’re basically hooped because it’s hard to recover from this way of thinking without some type of meaningful intervention, some major shift in perspective that causes a drastic change in how you see yourself.

BUT FEAR NOT, FAIR READER!  ALTHOUGH CHANGE IS HARD IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE.  

In fact, change, in theory, is quite easy.  Neuroplasticity tells us that if we commit to change and practice a new way or thinking and/ or behaving consistently and repetitively, change is possible, very possible, actually!

To find out more about neuroplasticity, click here.

 So, if you have grown tired of being the runner up in your own life now is the time to basically … well, STOP IT and start taking steps toward reengaging with yourself.  To do this, you could seek the help of a professional or find some good books on shifting perspective. David Burns’ Feeling Good Handbook is a great place to start.

If you can prioritize yourself and begin tuning into your own wants and needs, you may find that life starts to run smoother and ultimately, you start to feel better.

With a few small, but meaningful changes, today truly can be the first day of the rest of your life.